Nitin Mishra
Since her wedding day, Chandralata has been hearing a great deal about Rudralaxmi. Chandralata was an ordinary girl with average height and limited intelligence. She lacked knowledge about dancing, playing the piano, and chess. Her only womanly ability was cooking, but that was only average. On certain days, the dishes she made were incredibly tasty, but on other days they were bland and uncooked. The only positive aspect about her was being the sole daughter of a wealthy landlord. Her father had a huge mansion and plenty of livestock and servants to take care of him. Every now and then, she quietly yearned to be able to ride a bicycle, at least.
Married over a month now, she was already hearing excessively and exclusively about Rudralaxmi and about her glorious virtues. She possessed the talent to do this and that, including singing a wide range of songs. It seemed like the list of her features would never stop. The situation kept dragging on. Despite being newly married, Chandralata’s name was not being praised and celebrated as expected.
Despite being the queen of her house, she was treated no differently than an ordinary citizen. For every task or any consultation, Rudralaxmi was summoned. She had already heard that she was a master chess player and a refined poet as well. Chandralata had never witnessed, but it was said that she could compose love poems in a jiffy. It felt as if the entire universe aligned to make it happen for her.
It is worth noting that Rudralaxmi was not even a member of the house where Chandralata had married into. Rudralaxmi’s household was so close to hers that it suggested they were neighbors, in fact, very close. It happened that Chandralata’s father-in-law and Rudralaxmi’s father were engaged in the same line of business and had also established a mill. So, they were business partners as well. Chandralata’s husband Govind had almost been engaged to Rudralaxmi, but because of some twist of fate, that did not happen. Chandralata’s husband was a very learned man with many qualities: he was deeply philosophical and poetical. Although he always wanted to be a chess player and study Metaphysics and Western Philosophy, other activities always kept him engrossed, thus preventing him pursuing his cherished interests. All said he could debate like Plato, and the principles and findings of Archimedes deeply influenced him. Chandralata lacked knowledge in any specific field, but she held a deep admiration for learned men and after seeing Rudralaxmi, women as well. She had encountered no women as talented and erudite as Rudralaxmi earlier in her life.
Both the families were so close to each other that they always enjoyed either lunch or dinner together regularly. Whenever one family cooked chicken, they would send a hearty invitation to the other family. After Govind’s marriage, it did not look that he was not interested or willing to talk to Rudralaxmi, but as earlier they exchanged their regular conversation and Govind always summoned her every time he composed a poem which he thought was worth sharing with her. Govind would spend hours and hours on his study, studying philosophy and writing poetry, short ballads and odes, but poor Chandralata was so incapable of deciphering what her husband was studying and coming up with. When Govind was not around, she sometimes tried to read his work, but it was too much for her. She could not make head or tail of it. She understood the individual words but could not grasp the meaning of them collectively. She could read it aloud but could not understand it. She could see the lines but could not see the hidden meaning behind the lines. It was evident that her husband never admired her company except in bed.
Sometimes she would find her husband stamping back and forth in the room holding a piece of paper impatiently. He looked out of the window as if in fear of the unannounced thunderstorm. When she asked what ailed him, he would just reply without even looking at her.
“Just finished this poem… I was struggling to get it done for a couple of days…. finally, it is done… and I just want to show it to Rudralaxmi.” He held himself for a moment before he burst. “I know she will love it…”
Chandralata wished so dearly if she could say, “Can I read it too?”.
She realized that her ignorance was agonizing her. Now it was not her fault that she did not know poetry and philosophy. There are a vast array of subjects for one to master in one’s life. Govind lacked expertise in certain subjects, just like everyone else. All he knew was philosophy, poetry, and chess. Mathematics and cosmology held no interest for him. But the thing that tormented Chandralata the most was Govind knew everything she knew, but she knew nothing he did not know. Sometimes she even found Govind and Rudralaxmi playing chess for quite a span of time. She taught him how to move the chess pieces. It was clear that he had a fondness for spending time with Rudralaxmi. Their close childhood friendship and proximity as neighbors made it understandable. Holding all these qualities, though, Rudralaxmi led quite a simple life and was not arrogant and presumptuous.
It was fascinating for others to witness Govind and Rudralaxmi working through a complex chess move or philosophizing over a piece of poetry. Chandralata could never grasp their fiery disagreements and admiration for poetry. In private, she once grabbed one of his poetry books and recited a poem, but amazingly, she could not do it. She could glance over the lines but couldn’t unravel the poet’s intentions. She tried once again, but with no comprehension.
****
In a meeting, Chandralata asked Rudralaxmi a question, “When are you planning to get married?”
“I don’t know…I don’t get to pick my husband. You know that right?”. Rudralaxmi replied in a joke like manner.
Melting into a soft smile, Chandralata blushed, “No matter what, make sure that you find someone like you.”
“Having someone with similar interests makes life effortless and pleasurable.”
“Hmm…. True,” Rudralaxmi replied without understanding the hidden motive behind her expression.
“By the way, have you been writing a poem of lately?”
“Yes, a lot of them. In fact, I have made it my usual routine to write one a day no matter what.”
“So, then you must meet Govind every day to discuss it so he can shed more light to make it even better”
“I wish I could do that, but due to the circumstances, we’ve drifted apart now.”
“Why…. what has changed for you?” Chandralata raised her intonation as she asked.
“You…” retorted Rudralaxmi back, throwing a sharp, piercing look at her. At first sounding very grave momentarily, but then very suddenly losing herself into a zeal of laughter in a childlike manner.
Quickly, Rudralaxmi clasped her hand and said, looking deep into her eyes, “It is not about you, but it is about his mother…. she has changed a bit since you married Govind.”
“How is that…. has she told you not to come here anymore?”
“No, no… no, it is not like that,” Rudralaxmi promptly replied.
She further added, “She is as gentle as a cow and, just like my mother, she is very docile and naïve, but I don’t know. I realize something looks different from before.”
“Your home doesn’t welcome me now…” she said some bitterness mixed in her tone.
“Don’t worry, nothing has changed…… everything is exactly the same as before”. Chandralata said in a jovial intonation. After that, she laughed so loud, as if she was about to go on an adventure. In her laughing spree, she retorted unknowingly,“I feel I am coming in between you two…”. In reality, Chandralata was beginning to feel she was becoming a source of conflict between the two artists.
And there was an awkward silence lurking.
Chandralata couldn’t bear the weight of silence any longer and finally cracked.
“OK, I have a plan for the two of you…listen… I will contact you when Govind’s mother is occupied in her kitchen or other chores so you can come and see him and show him your poem.”
Rudralaxmi’s eyes widened. “But what if someone sees or finds out later?” she objected.
“You can trust me to safeguard your meeting from any disturbances or interruptions. I’ll keep a close eye on anyone approaching and notify both of you if necessary. Now, are you still feeling underwhelmed, my friend?” she asked, like she was expecting a victory.
“Fantastic.” Rudralaxmi chuckled. “Then shall we begin this adventure from tomorrow?” she pleaded with a glow in her eyes below her evenly shaped eyebrows, as if a great agonizing pain had been lifted from her.
“Why not,” whispered Chandralata as if in a drama, blinking her left eyes all of a sudden.
“Then I will bring four poems I have written recently,” Rudralaxmi declared with a moment’s delay.
Starting from the next evening, Chandralata was always responsible for coordinating their meetings. She secretly waved to Rudralaxmi, seeing the opportunity when her mother-in-law was busy with her household chores. After that, she always took steps to prevent any disturbance during the meeting. Faint whispers and bursts of sporadic laughter could be heard coming from inside Govind’s room. It was evident to Chandralata that Govind was extremely happy when he was around Rudralaxmi. As a result, these meetings became a frequent event, taking place at least five days a week. The unheard compositions were always acknowledged, and the constant bursts of laughter never ceased. She clearly read the curiosity and bewilderment in Govind if one day Rudralaxmi could not attend the meeting. Govind felt haunted in her absence.
It dawned on Chandralata that her husband and her close friend were in love, and she realized she was an outsider—perhaps a significant one. Although they shared the same bed, there was no physical connection between her and Govind. The food they both ate came from the same kitchen, yet their tastes were always different. They never laughed at the same joke, nor understood it at the same time. They walked together in the rain but never got drenched. Perhaps they never even felt the rain. They were married but never dreamed of a child. She had a house that never became a home.
One morning, she rose early and left her home without revealing her intentions to anyone. A month passed, and she was still untraceable. She had vanished mysteriously, disappearing into thin air.
No one in her family, not even Govind or Rudralaxmi, could fully understand why she left or where she went, even long after her unexpected disappearance.
A home, rather than a mere house, was all Chandralata had sought.
