Prem Krishna Shrestha
My first meet with her was at college balcony. she was fixedly gazing at the sunrise standing on the balcony, by chance for not having any class, I happened to stand near her. Our glances were exchanged and she beamed at me. “Don’t you have class too ?” she asked. I felt embarrassed. I observed at other classmates standing on the balcony. I felt like all other classmates were observing at her question and my silence towards it. Being irresponsive to her question, I suddenly entered into the classroom. I felt there was a great mystery behind a girl speaking to any stranger.
Our second meet was in the college library. She was reading a book sitting beside the library. Knowing my arrival, her book-holding hands began to tremble and the book that she was holding began to fall as a flower. As it fell, I saw “Siris Ko Ful” were inscribed on the chest of there fallen flower.
Our third meet was in the college canteen. She was having tea with her friends. I also went to the canteen with my friends and occupied a table. After seeing me, she began to feel shy and a kind of slowness could be seen in her act of drinking tea. She frequently used to cast her eyes on my table and bow her head in my response. It seemed as if she was paying less attention to her friends’ gossip. After a while, she started and on seeing her friends’ tea glasses being emptied, she began drinking her tea in haste, even through she left her tea. I felt, even in her unhurriedness and in the existence of her leftover tea, there was some mystery.
Our fourth meet was at the temple. The crowd of the people, I had a fear that I could get lost. Passing through the crowd she approached me and asked, “Are you fine?” I felt all these crowds are testing me. The eyes of the priest are scratching me. I began to feel ashamed with a handful of flowers that I was carrying in my own cup of hand. In a low voice, I replied, “I’m fine” and I disappeared in the crowd. The voice was so low that it seemed it vanished before it could reach her. I felt that to find my identity in the crowd had also some mystery in it.
Our fifth meet was at the way down. We had been walking continuously without talking to each other on the way which was a blend of darkness an light. On the way, a cat mewed and went past our feet. Being scared at the way ‘mew’ of the cat, she came for the protection by leaning on my shoulders. By stoning the cat, I detached her prop. I felt, being scared at the ‘mew’ of the cat and in challenging my heroism for scratching it’s ‘mew’ had also some mystery within.
Our sixth meet again at balcony during a leisure period. On that day, we had some talks between each other. Incidentally, she propose me to go to temple. I felt, “How could I go to the temple with a lady?” Because we had to go garden to reach the temple. By saying not today, I refused her proposal. I felt in proposing me to go such lonely places being a girl had some mystery within.
The next day after the sixth meet, she did not come to college. I have no idea why she had left college. Except her one holy name, nothing is left behind in my memory. I perceived a tragic turn turning up between us. My heart pounded as she went far away. As the time went by one, two, three, four, five and six days, our all meets faded away in vain. Today I feel contrite. Why did not I pick and give her book back when it had fallen at my feet? Why did I refuse her proposal of going to temple ? Why didn’t I speak to her when she approached me to speak ? etc. If I meet her today, I would vent out all of my love to her but it seems to me that we will never meet again.
It was true that fortune strikes only once in this life. If we cannot embrace the smile of that fortune during that opportunity, every season turns to be bleak. Today nothing is there except repentance in my heart. Thinking up in her remembrance day and night has been like my breathing. I call upon her name several times within my heart. Her names starts with “S”. Most of the ladies name starts with “S”. Nowadays the same “S” of that name burns me. I am living with this “S” form of burning sensation and even today this “S” boiling in my lips. I feel, at the time of my death, my dead body will take rest by uttering the same “S” with my lips.
