You might have heard people saying, ‘Don’t make decisions when you are happy or sad.’ The same applies with anger. Have you ever thought, why does so? Or, let’s say, have you ever asked yourself, ‘Why shouldn’t I make a decision when I am happy, sad, or angry?’ It could also have happened that you reacted to a certain situation or made a decision when you were pretty angry; the outcome was even more disheartening and troublesome. Here, you told yourself, ‘I did wrong. I should not make a decision when I am angry.’ Sometimes, you may have experienced being quite angry with somebody, and as a result, you throw a tantrum at him. Since your anger is so high, you blindly use harsh words. You don’t have control over your words.
What happens is that when the anger or aggression subsides after a certain interval of time, you often develop feelings of affection or sympathy towards the person you were angry with. However, I wouldn’t necessarily describe it as “loving,” but rather a shift towards a more understanding and compassionate stance. In some cases, you may feel regret for your previous actions. I believe that you might have encountered such situations before.
Now, let’s get to the main agenda of the text. So, how do we deal with anger in order to release it in a constructive manner? Can we manage our anger to avoid creating a chaotic situation? Is it possible to release anger without causing harm to others? Does controlling anger work, and is it a good method for sublimating anger? I will present three different scenarios through which you can address anger in a more constructive manner.
Gurdjieff, a mystic, was eight years old when his father, who was dying, called him. His father had a message for him, saying, “My beloved son, I may not have material possessions to give you, but I have one important message.” The father advised Gurdjieff that whenever someone provokes anger within him, he should inform the person that he will respond after 24 hours. This message, although initially meant for Gurdjieff, holds significance for all of humanity, much like Krishna’s teachings to Arjuna, which were intended for mankind as a whole. It is believed that this profound insight revolutionized Gurdjieff’s life.
Let me provide an analogy to make it simpler to understand. Imagine you are trekking and come across a small stream with crystal-clear water. It is so transparent and clean that you can see through it. As you cross the stream and look back, you notice that the once clear water has become muddy and opaque. Now, if you were to step back into the stream with the intention of cleaning the water, it would only make it muddier. The transparent water would lose its clarity and become opaque. However, if you patiently wait and observe, something interesting happens. Slowly but surely, the water begins to settle, and the mud particles start to settle down. Gradually, the water becomes transparent and clean again, returning to its original state. This is similar to the meaning behind the advice to come back after 24 hours mentioned earlier. By allowing some time to pass, emotions can settle, and clarity can be restored, just like the water in the stream becoming clean again.
Human beings often have a tendency to react impulsively rather than respond thoughtfully. It is indeed a challenging task to cultivate awareness in the midst of anger. However, if one is able to bring awareness to their anger, it can transform and sublimate. Here, awareness refers to observing the wave of anger without getting caught up in it. Even a momentary spark of awareness can dissolve the anger. Let me illustrate this process with an example.
Imagine you are sitting on one side of a room, and a few people are sitting on the other side. If you continuously and silently gaze at them, it is natural for them to feel uncomfortable. At first, they may try to ignore your gaze, but if you persistently maintain your gaze for an extended period of time, they will eventually feel compelled to leave and move to another location. In this example, the group of people represents anger, and your unwavering gaze symbolizes awareness.
Similarly, by bringing unwavering awareness to the arising anger, without being consumed by it, the anger gradually loses its grip and dissipates. The transformative power of awareness allows for a shift in our relationship with anger, ultimately leading to a more constructive and peaceful response.
You should understand that witnessing anger is not about controlling and repressing it. Many people tried to control their anger which is actually repressed deep inside the heart. Psychologist the great, Sigmund Freud says, ‘If you repress anger, then the same anger might come in an uglier way in our actions later in the future.’ However, witnessing doesn’t repress the anger, it releases or transforms anger into happiness. Repressing anger is about more and more tightening your fist, but witnessing is about gradually releasing your tightened fist.
Do you know that your anger and breathing are interrelated? I tell you whilst you are angry, check your breathing and you will find you are breathing faster. It is observed that the very calm and a meditative mind breathes slowly and as if he is not breathing. It means that when you are in an aggressive mood, you will see your breathing moving quicker. More quickly than the normal breathing process. So, what to do? Therefore, when you are angry and in that very mood, the first step is to watch your breathing process. I know it will be difficult to bring your awareness into your breathing whilst you are angry. In the starting, a little effort will be required but gradually when you master it then it will be easier. If you bring the breathing process back to normal, you will wonder to see your angeriness vanishing away. REMEMBER that it is not about controlling the anger, but it is a constructive way to release the anger. It is somehow relatable with the second method we described above. DON’T ACT ON ANGER, ACT ON THE BREATH.
[Sagar Khadka is a Master’s student in Conflict, Peace, and Development Studies at Tribhuvan University.]
